So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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