i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
