just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
