Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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