Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
