I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
