I cannot find my penis.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
