that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Barsexuality is the new black.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
