a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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