My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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