It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
