thus making me awesome and them whores
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
