What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
