Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
