pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
