2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When are your genitals available?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize