If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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