Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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