im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
