i jhust puked up my retainher.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
