remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
