Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
