We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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