when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
