when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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