Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
