remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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