dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We are all done wearing pants today
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
