Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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