Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
