i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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