There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I want a musical about memes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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