Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
