Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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