the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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