last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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