Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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