If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
