i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
