she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Houston, we have a squirter
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
