my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
