Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize