He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
