I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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