I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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