I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
