I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
