Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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