I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
