Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
