did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
