So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
