I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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