Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
