No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we're making bets on your personal life
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
