I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
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