I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Bring me that man meat
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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