I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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