I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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