Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
