Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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