I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
