I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
