he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize