for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
