I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
