When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
