Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
