Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
