I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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