I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
birth control should be required to get into college
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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