my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
