Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
