you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
