Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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