See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
