Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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